As I sit here drinking my coffee this morning I’m left wondering how to talk to my therapist. I’ve been with the same therapist for around six or seven years at this point, and while we have a great relationship – we often find ourselves talking in circles about world news or my weekly checklist of “showering often enough is a huge win” and “going to the store by yourself is a huge win.” We don’t talk much about the greater picture of what I want out of life and how to achieve that.
I want to change that this week. I meet with her in a half an hour and plan to update her on everything that has been happening with my wife and I over the last couple of months. We had been trying for a baby. We are no longer doing that. It’s kind of a major shake up in terms of what we are planning for our life together. I’m nervous, because it’s a strange conversation – but ultimately I’m hopeful that a new direction in life (and, frankly, the lifted stress of needing to build a life that I’d be proud to raise a child in) will give us more productive things to talk about.
My therapist has always been hesitant about anything that looks like myself “going back to work.” Her and I disagree heavily on what “productive living” really looks like some times. “Work” is added stress and an increased risk of mania/psychosis in her eyes. In my eyes, some sort of productive work is an essential part of feeling like an adult, and navigating life on Earth in the year of our lord 2025.